Hi Folks,
Let me make a promise to you…
I want to get back to a regular cadence of a weekly newsletter—a rounding up and summary of the past week.
For one thing, it helps me feel as if I am contributing something positive to the world. And it bookends the week, giving me a sense of finishing something each week! So I promise to write a newsletter email every week, just as I have in the past.
I know…I know…I seem all over the place, and there is some truth to this. Inconsistency is an ongoing struggle and something I continue to work through.
Although, in my defense, there is one thing I have always been consistent with—my spiritual and contemplative practice. Since July 1995, when I first met my teacher, I’ve not missed a single day of meditation. And I’ve not missed a single day when some level of contemplation took place. So I can be consistent.
Several of you reached out to see if I was ok, and to encourage me to continue writing.
Thank you again for your patience and support.
So…where to now?
Here is my promise to you: I promise to send a weekly newsletter much like the one you are reading now. From there, I hope to build things back up again, so I am writing, creating, and publishing regularly.
Now on with the rest of this week’s Notes on a Contemplative Life.
What I’ve Been Thinking
I’ve not been thinking deeply about much lately, to be honest.
Seems I have been in a phase where I’m allowing life to wash over me and seeing what comes of it. Feels good to. Feels good not to have to do much more than eat, sleep, and meditate.
The hermit’s life is for me. But there is also the desire to contribute something to the world. Not a self-congratulatory impulse. Simply as a gift without expectation.
But I needed the time away—if I’m honest, I could do with more—as a way to find balance between a personal contemplative life and the need I want to contribute to others. And I was seriously out of balance, too. Possibly still am.
Finding balance is one of the most difficult things to achieve. This is a universal human experience. Although going through it, we do feel as if we are the only ones that could possibly be this profoundly broken. I’d like to write on this topic more deeply (more on that below).
So I think it is now time to get back in the saddle. To begin to engage with ideas and share the thinking through the human and spiritual implications of them.
What I’ve Been Reading/Listening
I’m coming to the end of the 6 volume journals of Thomas Merton. I’m in the last few months of his life, just before he heads off to India and contact with the Tibetans.
It has been such a wonderful experience reading Merton’s day-to-day thoughts and struggles, his hopes and dreams, and reading into all these my own experience of being human. Really, that is the generosity of journals. It gives you the ability to see oneself in the experience of another human being. A reflexive tool to go deeper into universal experiences.
I purchased two new books from a recommendation from a prolific musician. Quitter and Finish. I don’t normally read these types of books. But, when it comes to contributing to the world, these two - quitting and finishing - are at the core of something problem I’m yet to fully work through. I know the issue to related to the fear of making the wrong decision—crippling self-doubt, and an inability to remain focused in one direction. But I am working through these issues and as I do I will be sure to share my thoughts in case this might help someone out there.
I’ve also purchased two albums on vinyl recently. Seems that vinyl is making a comeback. I still need to buy a turntable to play them.
Keith Jarrett Koln concert - https://ecmrecords.com/product/the-koln-concert-keith-jarrett/
Jan Garbarek Luminessence https://ecmrecords.com/product/keith-jarrett-luminessence-jan-garbarek/
These two albums made a huge impact on me as a student at music school.
What I’ve Been Creating
In the last few months, I’ve been doing little more than reading and meditation. As I said above, it seems as though I’ve been in a period where I needed to pull back from the commitment to publish in order to see what makes sense for my personal spiritual practice moving forward.
The trouble all began about this time last year when I tried something new and started publishing journal entries. This was inspired, in part, by my experience of reading Merton’s journals. And despite the fact that I was already journaling, turning these into posts for others to read was a far bigger job than I imagined. Indeed, I spent more time editing than practicing.
So I had to drop everything. Catch my breath. Let the currents of life and grace take me wherever they must. Then stand again once I was in shallow water. Of course, what happened was that I was put through a number of trials, and the whole process is still not complete. But complete enough to begin again.
For instance, I’ve started working on some essay ideas, but first off, I want to rewrite the essay I wrote a few years back about my experience of first joining my monastery back in 1995. I called it, How to bend like a piece of wood. It’s a practical story, with an interesting mystical element, and with a deep lesson. Looking back now, I rushed the writing on this essay, and as a result, it never really had the impact I’d imagined it would.
So I hope to continue writing these types of essays that bridge personal experience with deeper philosophical and spiritual lessons.
I also want to write about the intersection of art, creativity, philosophy, and the contemplative life because that is what I am interested in. As I develop the essays, I will share my thinking, as this is a good use of time and will mean I am focused on one topic at a time. Yet be able to share along the way.
I really dropped the ball over the last months. Now I’m here to pick it back up.
It feels good to be writing to you again.
Until next week. Much love,
Clarke Scott